When someone we love loses someone, showing sympathy can be tough. Sympathy gifts and condolence gifts are a way to show you care, to let them know they’re not alone in their pain. But finding a gift that’s sensitive, meaningful and comforting can be hard. Here’s how to show your condolences with love and care and help warm and support someone in grief.
Grief and its journey
Before you choose a sympathy gift, it’s important to remember that grief is a very personal experience and everyone’s is different. The Kübler-Ross model, also known as the “five stages of grief”, says people go through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. But recent research shows grief doesn’t follow a linear path and people may experience these emotions in different ways or revisit some at different times.
A study by the Journal of Clinical Psychology says “grief is a multi-faceted response to loss, with emotional, cognitive and behavioural components that can wax and wane” (Bonanno & Kaltman, 2001). This research shows there’s no one way to grieve and offering personal and thoughtful gestures can support someone’s individual grieving process and healing.
So sympathy gifts should provide comfort without assuming or expecting certain emotions. Instead the best gifts often give space to reflect, moments of calm or remind the bereaved of happy memories in a gentle way.
Sympathy Shared is Sympathy Healed
Sharing condolences with someone who’s grieving doesn’t just support them emotionally; it also heals the person expressing the sympathy. Research shows sharing sympathies or memories creates a sense of connection that benefits both the giver and the receiver. A study in Death Studies found that people who reach out and share a meaningful message or memories feel more empathy, belonging and emotional resilience (Kastenbaum & Aisenberg, 2006). Expressing sympathy can deepen the bond and make both parties feel more connected and understood in tough times.
This shows the value of thoughtful gestures whether it’s words of comfort, a shared meal or a small remembrance gift. By expressing your sympathy you’re not only supporting the bereaved but creating a compassionate space that can be healing for everyone involved.
Explore Sympathy Gift Ideas
Personalised Memory Book
A memory book allows you to collect memories and stories of the person who’s passed. A memory book doesn’t have to be long; even a few pages of special memories can be comforting to the bereaved. Include favourite photos, meaningful quotes and personal reflections. This kind of gift becomes a permanent tribute, a constant reminder of the love and memories shared, something they can revisit whenever they want to remember happier times. Luhvee Books offers a customisable option for this kind of gift so you can create a beautiful memory book that captures their loved one.
Handwritten Letter or Card
A simple but powerful way to express sympathy is with a handwritten letter or card. In our digital age a personal letter means a lot, it shows the recipient you’ve taken the time to sit down and share your thoughts and feelings. You can express your condolences, share a happy memory or offer words of comfort. Writing from the heart is a big personal touch that can be especially comforting in tough times.
Comfort Food and Homemade Treats -Sympathy Gifts
In times of grief practical support is as important as emotional comfort. Bringing homemade meals, treats or food gift baskets is a classic way to show sympathy. Cooking for them takes some of the load off their shoulders when they may not have the energy to cook themselves. You could offer to co-ordinate meal delivery with friends or family so they have a rotation of comfort food for a few weeks. Simple and nutritious meals like soups, casseroles, baked goods or savoury snacks are usually best for this.
Customised Memory Jar
A memory jar is a special way to keep the memories of someone who’s passed. To make one you can ask friends and family to write down their favourite memories or words of comfort and put them in the jar. This collective effort becomes a comfort they can revisit whenever they need. Each note can be a reminder of the love and positivity the person who’s passed brought into people’s lives, a comfort when they feel alone or sad.
Donation in Their Name
If the person who’s passed was passionate about a particular cause or charity make a donation in their name. This honours their legacy and makes a positive impact which can be comforting to the bereaved. Whether it’s wildlife preservation, medical research or an educational cause a donation is a meaningful tribute that celebrates their loved one in a way that was true to them.
Memory Garden Kit
For those who find comfort in nature offer the materials for a memory garden. A memory garden can be as simple as a potted plant or as elaborate as a small garden bed with flowers and stones. Plants like lilies, rosemary or forget-me-nots are often chosen because they symbolise remembrance and honour. This quiet space is a place of reflection and peace, a living memorial that grows and blooms over time.
Sympathy Gift Baskets with Comfort Items
A sympathy basket with comfort items can be a solace and warmth in tough times. You could include soft blankets, candles, tea or bath essentials. The idea is to offer a selection of items that promote self care so the recipient can escape their grief. By focusing on comfort sympathy gift baskets create an environment that supports emotional healing.
Memorial Candle, Lantern or Jewellery
Memorial gifts like candles or lanterns are often associated with remembrance and reflection. Gifting a memorial candle or lantern means the bereaved can light it whenever they want to honour their loved one. Many people find comfort in lighting a candle as a way to feel connected to someone they’ve lost. Whether it’s lit on special dates, anniversaries or quiet moments a memorial candle is a comforting ritual that can bring peace.
Books on Grief
Books on grieving can be a great comfort. Grieving is a very personal journey and sometimes words from those who have been through similar pain can offer insights that friends and family may not know how to express. Look for books that focus on self compassion, healing and feeling and processing emotions. If the person is religious or spiritual you may also consider books with comforting words from their belief system.
Here are five thoughtful books that can offer comfort, understanding, and healing for someone going through grief:
This book provides daily reflections and comforting thoughts, helping readers find peace one day at a time. Its format offers gentle guidance for those processing grief gradually.
A practical guide, this book provides actionable steps to work through grief, offering structured support for people dealing with a range of losses.
This compassionate book helps readers navigate their emotions without pressure to "move on" or "get over it." It encourages embracing grief as a part of healing.
Written after Sandberg’s own personal loss, this book explores resilience and finding joy again after tragedy. It combines personal stories and research-backed insights on recovery.
A beautifully written memoir, this book chronicles Didion’s experience with grief, sharing the complexities of her emotions and offering readers a relatable, introspective perspective on loss.
Each of these books offers comfort and guidance in its unique way, helping someone feel seen and supported during a time of deep sorrow.
A Day of Support
Sometimes the best gift is just your presence. Offering to spend a day with the person in mourning can be more meaningful than any physical item. Whether it’s helping with household tasks, going for a walk or sitting together in silence being there provides a sense of security and care. Often the bereaved may feel isolated or withdrawn so your presence can be a reminder they’re not alone.
Personalised Keepsake Box
A keepsake box is a private space for the bereaved to store mementos of their loved one, like letters, photos, small items of sentimental value or memorial jewellery. These boxes can be as simple or elaborate as you like with optional personalisation such as the loved one’s initials or engraving. Providing a beautiful dedicated space for memories can help the grieving person find comfort in these items and take them out when they’re ready.
Memory Tree or Tree Planting
Planting a tree in memory of the deceased can be a beautiful and lasting tribute. Many people find comfort in watching the tree grow as it symbolises life’s continuity and the power of memory. Some organisations offer tree planting in memory of loved ones, you can arrange for a memorial tree to be planted in a forest or local park. Alternatively you could plant a tree in their yard and have a space for remembrance and healing right in their own home. You could also hang memorial wind chimes near the tree as a comforting and meaningful reminder of your care and condolence.
Luhvee Books for a Personal Tribute
When words can’t express how you feel a Luhvee Book can be a powerful gift to someone who has passed. These customisable books allow you to create a beautiful collection of memories that capture the person who has gone. By collating these memories in a Luhvee Book you’re giving the bereaved a keepsake to revisit and treasure over time. Being able to personalise each page with memories or messages can bring a sense of comfort and connection making it one of the best sympathy gifts. Luhvee books also have beautiful journal style books to help with the grieving process. Check out the collection here.
Do Something for Them
In times of mourning daily tasks can feel overwhelming. Offering a specific act of service such as running errands, babysitting or helping with household chores or sending a special gift can be a practical way to express your sympathy. These small acts take some of the daily burdens away and give the grieving person time and space to process their emotions. Doing something for them in a tangible way shows you’re there to support them through the big and small challenges.
A Journal to Write In
Sympathy gifts can be a comfort and a way to express your condolences to the grieving. Grief can stir up all sorts of emotions and for some people writing can be a way to process those feelings. Giving a journal to the grieving person invites them to write and reflect on their journey, to capture moments of sadness, remembrance or even gratitude. A journal can be a safe space for emotions, for them to process grief privately and revisit their thoughts over time. For some it can be a tool for healing and self discovery. Luhvee books letters to...can really help.
Final Thoughts
Expressing sympathy isn’t easy but a beautiful gift or thoughtful act can be so important to someone who is grieving. Remember it’s often the thought behind the gift that counts and small acts can have a big impact. Whether you give a personal memory book, a day of quiet companionship or a comforting meal your kindness will make the bereaved feel seen and remembered on their journey through grief.
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